by clark matt ryan and sophie and kirsten and avery

John was buff and his girlfriend was frikken hot. One day he brought her home to make calzones.

“I bought you a dope plant” he said to jen his gf non-sequitorialy. “Here it is”

They both then looked at it

“I’m going to name it Buster” she said “No, actually it’s name is mmmmmmm Mike, no., Bandana”

“Okay. That is it’s name. Bandana the plant” said John

“BANDANA” said Bandana

“Okay” said John.

“BAAAAAANDAAAAAAAAAAANNNAAAAAA” said Bandana

“He’s getting bigger at an alarming rate, and the room is warping around it” said Johns slampiece

“RIVEROFBLOODFORBANDANAFOREVERGODHOODRIVEROFBLOODPAINUNENDING” Bandana yelled as the room filled with giant leaves in the shapes of dead love ones.

All of the leaves screamed at once and everyone in a mile cried tears of blood in unending joy and ecstasy.

The salty blood tears pooled and built and tore down the street like the hurricane thing in South Carolina a few weeks ago but even more brutal. “Oh crap!” exclaimed Clark, who was also involved, “I never learned how to swim!” All seemed lost for this poor prepubescent.

John’s lady friend in a fit of inspiration cried out “Bandana, Bandana, if you ever loved me, if you ever cared, please do me this one favor and save my secret lover Clark from an untimely death of drowning in a pool of blood”

“WHAAT” John screamed “You like clark?” I must kill him.

But before he could do a single thing, a huge piranha jumped out of the Blood River and bit off his hands. First his right hand, then his left hand. Unfortunately, John doesn’t know how to swim without his hands (despite the fact that he has webbed toes that he is extremely self-conscious about), and so he quickly drowned. At least it was kind of a fast death.

Now with John out of the way, John’s girl was able to run towards her secret lover, Clark.

But Bandana had other plans. “ELIZARITHA, I HAVE NOW SHOWED MY LOVE FOR YOU. I SHALL NOW BRING YOU TO THE PLANT REALM WHERE WE SHALL BE WED.”

John’s Girl, Elizaritha, let out a cry. “No! you don’t understand! I’m made of flesh and blood! I will not thrive! And also Clark!”

But Bandana would not listen….or is it that he could not (as he has had hearing problems since birth) And as Elizaritha took her last breathe, she was transported to Plant World, 20000 miles away where she immidiatly imploded due to the pressure. Banadana was left alone forever except for all the other plants.

Oh and also Matt in another dimension got syphillis and died na terrible terrible terrible gruesome death

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